everyone says “just get out and leave everything behind in the event of a house fire” like no fuck that shit im grabbing every electronic i can hold
in middle school my friend used to give me these huge lemons to eat because they were delicious and one time i was eating one and some idiot told me he’d give me ten bucks to take a huge bite and another kid added five so i got 15 american dollar for doing what i was already doing truly this is the land of opportunity
if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket
you are one of the great thinkers of our time
“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”
“no, i said she was fucking goofy”
please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother
consulting-idjits-in-the-tardis:
i can hear my brother screaming at his DS
he’s playing cooking mama
thats some hardcore cooking
COOKING MAMA IS NOT A FUCKING JOKE OKAY
THAT SHIT IS FUCKING INTENSE
DON’T TELL ME YOU’VE NEVER YELLED AT COOKING MAMA
FUCK YOU
Is that your brother
